Should The Parents Of The Bride Contact The Groom’s Parents After They Get Engaged?

Our son is getting married. He has been engaged for over a year. We live over 700 miles from him , his fiance and her parents. WE have no idea what has gone on up to this point.
1. Her parents have yet to call us.
2. They have planned a Disney Wedding Destination Cruise.
3. They have sent out invitations to only a few aunts, uncles, and cousins on our side. (who…by the way can not make it)
4. We don’t know if there was or will be a shower.
5. Our son says he doesn’t care that no one can make it cause “this is just for us”!
6 The wedding is at the end of August
7. We found out that some of his very wild crazy friends will be on the cruise.
8. We are feeling very awkward about calling her parents.
9. They are having 2 ceremonies — 1 before they board the ship and another on Disney’s Private island on the last day of the cruise. However, we don’t know if there will be a dinner etc.
Was it our place to contact the bride’s parents? Shouldn’t they have included us in some of the plans? We are quite upset and don’t know how to handle this. We are not planning on attending the cruise. We are trying to get info on the pre cruise ceremony and attend that.
( This cruise will set us back over $3,000! Maybe $4,000 with plane flight. That doesn’t include the gift we would like to give our son. We are retired and just can’t afford this! We don’t want to hurt his feelings but times are tough. We would rather give them a nice gift instead of paying for the cruise. Also, we will feel really weird to meet her parents for the first time at that point.)

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6 thoughts on “Should The Parents Of The Bride Contact The Groom’s Parents After They Get Engaged?”


  1. Yes, it was. The grooms family is supposed to contact the brides family as soon as the engagement is official.
    You need to talk to your son. Have an honest talk with him about finances and see what he says.
    Offer to host a party where you live after the wedding so the bride and groom could meet the relatives and friends who were unable to attend the wedding.
    ((hugs)) It sounds lik your son is acting like a jerk.

  2. Actually, it is traditionally the groom’s parents’ place to contact the parents of the bride and offer congratulations, help with planning, etc. It sounds to me, though, that it is your son, not his fiancee’s parents, that you should have more communication with. It doesn’t sound like he’s taken you into consideration while planning this wedding, but then again, it also sounds like you would have given him a hard time about his wedding plans if he had shared them with you. You’re already balking at the cost of the cruise and his “wild, crazy friends” that will be there. Maybe you should just accept the fact that he has chosen to let his wedding go on without you. You really can’t blame the bride or her parents for any of this.

  3. Did you receive an invitation? If you did, it’s perfectly fine to contact whomever is planning the ceremony with any questions you might have. If you haven’t – I would talk to your son and find out why you have been excluded from being invited.
    P.S. If you can’t afford to attend, that’s another story – and you should let your son know that you will be unable to be there. It’s really your decision whether or not you think you can go, or if you’d rather save the cash. Yes, your son’s wedding is important, but there are practical considerations that you have to take into account. I don’t think anyone is going to hate you if you can’t afford to commit to an expensive trip.

  4. I don’t know your financial situation but I would be ABSOLUTELY CRUSHED if my parents weren’t in attendance at my wedding. That is just my personal opinion.
    Traditionally the groom’s parents write the brides parents after hearing of the engagement. Honestly, I would have told you about the plans (this responsibility falls on your son) but if you’re not paying and not the one getting married it’s not your say.
    So in a nutshell, I think that both you and your son need to communicate better.
    Sorry if I was rude, I didn’t intend on it.

  5. I think after a year one side should have made an effort to meet. As far as them not including you in on the plans, your son should have kept you informed. I also think that if both parties can’t afford a destination wedding then they should have kept it close to home or in between the two home towns.
    I was in a similar situation. My fiances parents live 1100 miles away from my parents. I moved with him in his home town 1100 miles away, about 2 months after we got engaged. Two weeks after I moved there it was around christmas time so my parents flew down for a visit. Before they came my future mother in law sent them a nice letter telling them how excited they were to meet them and how happy they were about the engagement. I think in that situation both parties made an equal move to meet.
    Talk to your son. I really think a lot of this is his fault. He should have made some sort of effort to introduce you two, and should have involved you more into the wedding planning and consulted with you before planning a destination wedding that was going to cost you and your husband money that you just could not afford. Talk to him about it and perhaps arrange a time where you can go there or they can come to you and spend a weekend together, the six of you ( you and your husband, her parents, and your son and his fiance). I think its important that you meet her family before the wedding day. I hope everything works out for you!

  6. Well. I would talk to your son. Because, as the soon-to-be bride, my finance and I set up a dinner for our parents to meet and we all talked about what we were thinking and everything. That way they knew each other and were comfortable enough to get together on their own as the wedding got closer. It really should be his responsibility and the fact he didn’t discuss anything with you is very, um, uncool, I guess. Best of luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Answer mine?http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…

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